Why does that “perfect child” that you raised, grow up to make you wonder, “Who raised you?”

Here’s my opinion, based upon my many experiences. Be sure and ask yourself some of the questions that come to your mind as you read this. *

How did he turn into the “Where did you come from” person that you don’t recognize?

When a child is born into this world, *he has only the feeling of needing to breathe and need to satisfy that pain we know as hunger.

The world is new to this little creature, he has spent 9 months in a place where he did not have to worry about fear, cold, hunger, pain, pressure, problems or any of the things that we call emotions, feelings, or self-worth. It was safe in its mother’s womb.

Your newborn, grows up and learns positive and negative  “human feelings” from their mom, dad, relatives, friends and others that might touch their lives.

Sometimes, we, as parents say that the child has picked up the “worst elements” of all that he has been exposed to.

It is up to us as parents to turn those “worst elements” to “the best elements”.

As a child develops in the womb,   5 senses also develop.

The Senses of Feeling, smelling, hearing, touching and thinking become active upon birth.

How many babies are crying upon birth? The sound of a child crying is a sure sign that birth has occurred.  It also says, “I am here, I am hungry, I am cold, and I am in a strange place!”

The child is immediately thrust into this cold, cruel world.  They feel hunger and pain. They soon recognize the touch of the Loving person that holds them and whisper sweet nothings into their ear.

It is our duty as parents and loved ones to give our child “Positive” experiences in all of the senses.

The 5 Senses and examples of how parents use them.

• Positive sight experiences—why, `we decorate “Baby’s Room” while waiting for baby.

• Positive hearings experiences–music, poetry, loving coos, and songs.

• Positive touching experiences –A soft loving touch and hug, cotton, velvet, and furry things.

•  Positive tasting experiences–taste good and make me feel good–food, juices, etc.

• Positive nasal experiences-baby powder, oils, mom’s perfumes, dad’s aftershave, body scents, etc.

Your child develops into a person with feelings, needs and wants.

At birth, they accept all that is given them, with complete faith in the person caring for them.  Almost immediately, the child “feels” love, contentment and satisfaction when well fed and loved as they are being cuddled.

In other words, the baby begins to have all of these “human feelings” immediately after birth.

Love becomes the most important thing in life because with love comes food, warm milk, breast milk, protection, warmth, and soothing sounds around them.

A working brain but a brain that must be filled with the knowledge of life.  It must learn to walk, talk, feel, think and all of this is taught by the loving and important person or persons in its life.

As time passes, the child relates to life and develops a great dependency upon this person who gives him comfort and security.

Time passes…

The child is told to do things for himself, cold milk instead of warm milk.  Cold weather and warm weather.

Not so much cuddling and whispering in its ear.

Maybe the child now hears harsh words. Commands, demands, the baby is confused.

No one “talks” or explain to the child.

  Upon birth, the baby begins to grow, both mentally, physically.

The child depends upon his loved ones to guide him on the positive path that the loved ones choose.

In other words, everyone he loves is a guide to the formation of this child.

Let’s examine some of the things that can best guide the child to a life of self confidences, self-sufficient, and self-worth.

There is no book or material that tells you how to grow and develop a “self-confident person” but there are things that you can do.

How do you teach your child how to “Love themselves” more than they “love”, that boy or girl they ”just met”.

Do they realize that you cannot love others if you don’t love yourself first?

As a parent if you don’t know and have love, how can you give love?

Why do children become bullies?

Why might a child fall prey to a bully?

Why would a child grow to adulthood and accept mental and/or  physical abuse?

Don’t they realize that , if you love yourself, you will not allow others to mistreat you.

I have raised 3 children, 8 grandchildren, and I taught school for 33 years, teaching and working closely with, and hopefully touching the lives of many in my career.

I wondered how even children that had little encouragement seemed to succeed, where so many children that were more privileged just failed or did not work up to their potential.

I cannot forget the young girl that told me “You cannot make me learn!”.  This child had given up upon herself at that early age. She did not realize that education was for HER not for me.  She had not been taught that education was one of the ways to lift herself up above the rest.  That she could do it.

I remember, a friend of mine, visited a mutual friend who she had not seen in a while.  She told me that this friend had 2 children.  She said, “every word the mother said to her children was a “lesson”.

I was so impressed,  that when I had children I remembered what she had said and I tried to make every moment, a “teaching” Moment for my children. There was no such thing as a 1-word answer.  I had to explain all aspects of the answer. I did that throughout my career.

It was only years later that I learned that some of it really worked.

I believe in exposing a child to as much as possible.  I found out that the little tidbits I always added (made them listen to) actually stuck.

Remember that, you, the positive, goal-achieving parent is who your child will model.  We, as parents, have only a short time (a few precious years)  to mold our children. Once they are exposed to the rest of the world, You are in a constant struggle for your child’s personality and life.

When you realize that you are the 1st to introduce the world and its intricacies to your child then you learn to “choose the words you use.

Here are some guides you can use to help you instill self-love and love for others, into your child. if you don’t, love yourself, how can you love someone else?

If you really love yourself you will love others but you will not allow yourself to be abused, not loved by others.

The Positive Parent

Daily approvals

Has pet name or approved nickname

Has secret words or actions that only you and child know.

Praise the child daily

Ask your child for help

Don’t put your child down—EVER

Teach your child to share, care and give to and for others

Turn negatives to positives

Share and encourage your child’s interests with him. Let him know that you approve.

 

* The use of any male pronoun (he, him, etc.) is used for writing purposes and includes males &/or females.